So I had this epiphany recently, and perhaps I was the last one in the universe my age to have it, but I am glad that I did. Here it goes… being authentic is really hard… Well at least it is for people like me. I must confess that I am a people pleaser. I don’t mean people pleaser in the way of being a suck-up who has an agenda, or a person who conceals the truth to cause harm, or even a person who describes themselves as selfless; it is more complex than that. I use that term to describe a person who works to please everyone else and forgets about what they individually want. You might be a people pleaser if the word ‘no’ is rarely part of your vocabulary, or if you care maybe a little too much about the happiness of other people in your life, to the point where you may try to fix their concern or whatever may be bothering them, even if it is not about you. There are more of us people pleasers out there than you may think and that puts a bump in the road when it comes to being authentic.
I have always thought that I was an authentic person. I try to support the people in my life who I cherish as friends and family, I work hard to do well at school and work because I have a dream of where I want to go in my life, and I choose to love fiercely. In these ways I am true to myself, but being authentic is more than that. So what is so hard about being authentic anyway? Well the other people pleasers of the world can probably explain this to you better than I can, but here goes… being authentic means being real and genuine. It means saying ‘no’ when you are thinking it (in a respectful way) and yes when you are thinking it. It also means being mindful of how other people feel and honoring your piece in a conflict by speaking your truth when it needs to be discussed, despite discomfort. Seems easy enough right? This is only a little bit of what being authentic means, and I think it’s pretty challenging. So my challenge for you is to think about if you honor what you want out of your life most of the time. If you do, then that is fabulous, but if you don’t…..
My hope for you is that if you love to dance, that you choose to dance like a fool, if you like ketchup on your potato chips at home, that you eat that delicious confection with pride at your dinner table, and when it comes around to being your turn to pick where to eat dinner with your friends, that you speak up and say I would like to have chicken fajita tacos for dinner instead of steak (if that’s your thing). If it is your truth, I hope you speak it, because nothing is more authentically wonderful than the whimsical ways that we go about being ourselves.
With authenticity comes joy. I hope you choose joy.